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Keywords:

• ☠ Reflecting in the mirror ☠

Comment: rivain

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• Will keep you updated

Comment: on the sexual orientation of my new guy

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• coughing up blood.

Comment: I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.

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• If I woke up in a pillar of smoke

Comment: I suppose that's a sign right

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• Just woke up. Naked.

Comment: Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.

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• he cried. said I didn't appreciate him

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• Well I just found a coupon

Comment: for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me

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• I think the only context

Comment: in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths

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• She's cute but batshit.

Comment: Like a dominatrix disney princess

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• Nothing happened nothing is on fire

Comment: It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?

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• Had sex with the male version of myself.

Comment: looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same

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• They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits.

Comment: They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.

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• You face planted into a car door.

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• I'm about to die from sobriety over here

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• If beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Comment: then BEHOLD BITCHES!